(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)

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GIVE TO GOD FIRST

Answering a knock on the door of his African hut, a missionary found a native boy holding up a large fish. The boy said, "Preacher, you taught us to give at least one tenth, so here -- I've brought you my tenth."

As the missionary gratefully took the fish, he questioned the young lad "Where are the other nine fish?" At this, the boy beamed and said, "Oh, they're still back in the river. I'm going back to catch them now."


Now that's what I call faith (cf. Malachi 3:10)!

"Honor the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: so shall thy barns be filled with plenty..." (Proverbs 3:9-10).
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WHAT A PRAYER

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged from his room and informed his mother that he had thought it over, and then said a prayer.

"Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you NOT misbehave, He will help you."

"Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me NOT misbehave," said Johnny.

"I asked Him to help you 'put-up' with me."
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HAVE FAITH

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied: "They will in a minute."
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HEAVEN'S NOISE ABATEMENT

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.

He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
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PRACTICE HELPS

The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by, she was alternately stroking her own cheek and then his again.

Finally, she spoke: "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

"Yes, Sweetheart," he answered; "God made me, a long time ago."

"Oh," she said. "Then, Granddaddy, did God make me, too?"

"Yes, indeed, Honey," he assured her. "God made you, just a little while ago."

"Oh," she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now, isn't He?"
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QUITE, PLEASE

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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HUMILITY

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked: "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
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SMILE

A mother noticed that it was about time for school to dismiss and since it looked like it would rain, she drove toward the school to pick up her eight year old daughter.

She turned down the street to see her daughter running towards her down the sidewalk. A lightning bolt flashed and the little girl looked up towards the sky, smiled and then began running towards her mother's car.

Another lightning bolt flashed and again the little girl looked towards the sky, smiled and resumed running. This happened several more times until the little girl finally arrived at where her mother was parked.

Her mom immediately inquired as to the strange behavior.

"Why did you keep stopping and smiling at the sky?" she asked her daughter.

"I had to, mommy. God was taking my picture."
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GOD'S LEFT-HANDED?

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother remarked, "Doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"

Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and He did it left-handed."

This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you say God did this with His left hand?"

"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand -- so He must be left-handed!"
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HOW TO END A LONG SERMON?

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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MUST NOT BE LISTENING CAREFULLY

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
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SMART LITTLE GIRL

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her dark brunette hair.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"
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THE ALPHABET PRAYER

While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child's voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child's words. When I spotted a boy perched on a rock, I realized why his words had made no sense: He was repeating the alphabet.

"Why are you saying your ABC's so many times?" I asked him.

The child replied, "I'm saying my prayers."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet."

Patiently the child explained, "Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I'm trying to say."
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MY DAUGHTER A DOCTOR?

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
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A WISE LITTLE GIRL

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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TOO ROUGH

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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THUMB SUCKING

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ...
I know what *you've* been doing."
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THE LORD'S PRAYER

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
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SO KEEP THE SINGING DOWN, OK?

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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THE PRESSED LEAF

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:   "It's Adam's suit!!!"
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Psalms 8:2 (NKJ)   "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]





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