(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)

*************************************************
NICE TO BE REMEMBERED

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead!"
*************************************************
SCAVENGER HUNT

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.

"Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"

"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
*************************************************
SCHOOL PRAYER

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher, Miss Merc, asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.

"I sure did, Miss Merc," one little girl replied. "I PRAYED FOR MORE SNOW."
*************************************************
PET FUNERAL

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned.... "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
*************************************************
HONEST KISS

An honest seven-year-old girl admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady; "but three other girls helped me catch him."
*************************************************
PRAY

One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out of the church. Just before reaching the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation: "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
*************************************************
BIBLE QUESTION

A ten-year old girl, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowlegeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking:

"Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James 'Virgin'?"
*************************************************
BEWARE OF TRASH

One particular four-year old prayed: "And forgive us our 'trash baskets' as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
*************************************************
STUDENTS PRAYER

One student's prayer:
"Now I lay me down to rest,
And hope to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I have to take."
*************************************************
DON'T BELIEVE ALL YOU HEAR

One day a 9 year old boy and his 4 year old brother went into the supermarket and went straight to the Tampon isle. The 9 year old picked up a packet and then proceeded to go through the checkout. The man at the counter said to the boy, "These must be for your mom?"

"No," said the boy.

"Then your sister," said the man?

"No," said the boy.

"Then who are they for," asked the man?

"My brother," said the nine year old.

"What does your brother need them for," asked the man?

"Well on TV," said the boy, "they say if you wear these then you can ride a bike and swim.... my brother can't do any of that!"
*************************************************
TEACHER LEARNS

My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.

One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said, "And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw with which to build my house?" Then the teacher asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

My friend's son raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! He said: "Holy smokes! A talking pig!"

Note: The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
*************************************************
HONESTY PAYS

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
*************************************************
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?

When my daughter Kelli was 3, she and my son Cody would say their nightly prayers together.

As most children do, we have to bless every family member, every friend, and every animal current and past.

For several weeks after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say: "And all girls".

As this soon became part of her nightly routine to include this at the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?".

Her response: "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All Men' !"
*************************************************
SPELLING

My son, Mitchell, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see.

One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters:

G - O - D.

"Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face.

"That's wonderful!" I praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Church school education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily.

Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen.

"Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?"
*************************************************
BRIDE CHANGED HER MIND?

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother.

"Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another."
*************************************************
DISCOURAGED?

As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was.

"We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile.

"Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged."

"Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. "Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."
*************************************************
SUNDAY SCHOOL

Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie - talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
*************************************************
GOD IS BIGGER THAN YOU AND I

Stan Buck tells the story about a little girl who, on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the preacher's sermon this morning confused me."

The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?

The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?"

"Yes, that's true," the mother replied. "He also said that God lives within us. Is that true too?"

Again the mother replied, "Yes."

"Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn't He show through us?"

Addendum -- does God shine through you?
*************************************************
SPELLING

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.'

He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
*************************************************

Psalms 8:2 (NKJ)   "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]





  Page 3 of 22