(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)

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UNANSWERED PRAYER?

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
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DOG'S DUTIES

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids to their homes when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The children began discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "the dog's for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close.

"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants!"
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NO JERK

One day while driving with my then 4 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me for an explanation.

I said, "I did that by accident."

She replied "I know that.... 'cause you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"
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MOM TRIED

"There you go, tracking mud all over the house."

"Didn't I tell you to wipe your feet before you came in!"

"Oh, nobody's blaming you, Mom."

"You did all you could."
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PRIVATE PRAYERS

A little girl was softly saying her nightly prayers kneeling down, and her mother was beside her.

"Say your prayers louder, darling, I can't hear you," Said the mother.

"But I'm not talking to you," was the girls instant reply.
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LIGHT OF THE WORLD

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help. Her son's memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."

The child beamed, and with great feeling and a loud clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."
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A MOTHER'S TEAR

A little girl was late coming home for supper. Her mother made the expected irate parent's demand to know where she had been.

The little girl replied that she had stopped to help Janie, whose bicycle was broken in a fall.

"But you don't know anything about fixing bicycles," her mother responded.

"I know that," the girl said. "I just stopped to help her cry."
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OLD AGE

I was discussing aviator Amelia Earhart's life with my fifth-grade students. Mentioning that the flier was 40 at the time her plane was lost, I asked the class if they thought 40 was old?

"No, I don't," Bonnie said, which made me feel better since I was approaching middle age.

Then she added, "Forty is young if you're dead, but old if you're alive."
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WRONG FEET?

My 3 year old son put his shoes on by himself. I noticed that they were on swapped (left-right).

I said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."

He looked up at me with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Dad. I know they're my feet!"
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BOOK PRESENT

When my 12-year-old stepson, Ryan, received a book from his godmother, my wife insisted that he send a thank-you note.

"Dear Anna Maria," he wrote. "Thank you for the Ben-Hur book.

It is very interesting, and I am sure I will have to read it soon. So I might as well get it over with now."
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BOOTS

There was a little boy in Kindergarten. He cried, so the teacher asked him what was wrong. He sobbed, "I can't find my boots." The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots, "Are these yours?"

"No, they're not mine," the boy shook his head. The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots. Finally, the teacher gave up, "Are you SURE those boots are not yours?"

"I'm sure," the boy sobbed, "mine had snow on them."
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EXPRESS PRAYER

Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving, Easter and other special occasions when he typically said a long prayer over the food. One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather, to our son's surprise, asked a very brief blessing on the food.

With a gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his Grandfather and said, "You don't pray so long when you're hungry, do you Grandpa?"
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TEACHING FLATERY

While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son with her. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"

"What do you say?" she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and beautiful."

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.
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QUEEN SIZE

Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased.

In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size."

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look, Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!"
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MARRIAGE INFO

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How did you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'."
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TOOTH FAIRY

This is a true story that happened to my neighbor years ago when our children were little.

Laura and Patty shared the same bedroom and when Laura lost a tooth, she placed it under her pillow. The next morning when she awoke, her tooth was gone and some money was in its place to put in her piggy bank.

Patty went quietly up to her mother and said, "Mommy, I know who the tooth fairy is." Her mother replied, "How do you know?" "I saw you put money under Laura's pillow last night when she was asleep," Patty stated.

Rather surprised, her mother replied, "well, you're right, I was the tooth fairy."

Patty thought for a moment and with a big grin on her face said, "now if you're the tooth fairy, then Daddy must be God!"
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RING BEAR

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar... So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear...."
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GRADUATION DAY

It's graduation day at the elementary school in Los Angeles, and everybody's waiting to get their diplomas. Everybody but Little Johnny. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Johnny graduate; let Johnny graduate!"

The principal agrees to give Johnny one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Johnny, how many apples do I have?" he asked.

Johnny thought long and hard and then said "Ten."

After hearing the answer the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Johnny another chance; give Johnny another chance!"
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SMART PARENTS EXCUSE

Little Johnny comes home from school at the end of a term with his report card. The report card has all D's and F's.

His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him.

"But what about David down the street," they said, "he brought home all A's and B's."

"David is different," he retorted.

"How so?" His father asked.

"Well, 'cuz his parents are smart!"
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MILLIONAIRE ESSAY

"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a millionaire'."

Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.

"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"

"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
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Psalms 8:2 (NKJ)   "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]





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