(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)

*************************************************
FLAG

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?"

A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country."

"Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?"

" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.
*************************************************
HI-TECH CONVERSATION

My friend and his wife were talking with their teen-age daughter Alicia. Frustrated by their rapid-fire, simultaneous questions, Alicia threw up her hands.

"Mute!" she said, pointing to her father, and then she told her mother, "Play!"
*************************************************
OWNS HELL?

Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?"

"He sure can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the 'elders' of our church gave dad 'hell' last night."
*************************************************
GOVERNMENT

A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Government?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"No!" said the teacher... "I mean, how MANY people does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says..."

"I've had it up to HERE with the Government!"
*************************************************
MULE

A little Sunday school boy, on his first trip to the country, made a significant comment after he had viewed with childish curiosity his grandfather's large white mule. "Mamma," he said, "grandpa's mule must be a very good Christian."

The mother was surprised at the association of Christianity with an animal that can provoke un-Christian like language, so she asked little Jake the reason for his conclusion.

His ready answer was: "Because grandpa's mule has such a long face."
*************************************************
ATTITUDE

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
*************************************************
MUSIC CLASS

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more.

So, he rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" another student asked.

"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."
*************************************************
NURSERY SCHOOL?

"I'll never forget my first day to go to nursery school."

"My parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery sign."

"I didn't know anybody there -- and I was surrounded by a bunch of trees."
*************************************************
MODESTY

When a bashful student showed up after gym for the mandatory shower still wearing his gym shorts, the coach stopped him and asked, "Do you shower with shorts on at home?"

"No," the boy replied, "but I don't shower with twenty naked men at home, either."
*************************************************
DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms."
*************************************************
RICH?

Two boys were arguing about whose Dad was richer

First Boy: "My Father is so rich he's going to buy the Pacific Ocean."

Second Boy: "If you don't shut up, I'll tell my Father not to sell it."
*************************************************
GEE MOM

A lady who was expecting her fourth child was exhausted and very short of patience with her brood.

Her five-year-old looked at her thoughtfully and said, "Gee, Mom. I don't know what you're going to do."

"You keep having babies - and you know they're just going to turn into kids!"
*************************************************
POOR LION

A Sunday school teacher was telling the youngsters about Daniel and the Lion's Den. She had a picture of Daniel standing brave and confident with a group of lions around him. One little girl started to cry.

The teacher said, "Don't cry. The lions are not going to eat Daniel."

The girl said, "That's not what I'm crying about. That little lion over in the corner isn't going to get any food."
*************************************************
TAKING A TEST

During the final exam, the teacher noticed that Billy Walters kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test.

"Billy," the teacher began. "Is there something interesting written on your hand?"

"Not at all," Billy replied. "Actually, it's all pretty boring."
*************************************************
HOW OLD?

A little girl asked her father's friend how old he was. He said he was 39 and holding.

The little girl thought for a while and said, "Well, how old will you be when you let go?!"
*************************************************
AT LEAST TRY

"Dad, will you help me with my homework?"

"I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right."

"Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try."
*************************************************
A CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM

A father sat in the morning worship service of the local church with his wife and three-year-old son. His wife took communion as it was passed down the pew while her husband, who was not a Christian, let the emblems pass without partaking.

As the trays were passed to the end of the pew, the three-year-old yelled out at the top of his voice, "My dad didn't get any of the refreshments!"

The very next Sunday the father made a personal commitment to the Lord and was baptized, bearing out the statement in Isaiah 11:6, "...a little child shall lead them."
*************************************************
BUMPY ROAD FOR SOME

I took a friend of mine who is visually impaired to church with me

this morning. Several of the children in the congregation were

fascinated with her Braille Bible. One of the adults came over to see

what the kids were so excited about, and Ellen told the woman, "Oh,

I was just telling them how 'bumpy' the road to 'salvation' can be for some of us."
*************************************************
CHURCH COMMERCIAL

A little girl went to church for the first time. As she was leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked church.

"I liked the music," she replied, "but the commercial was too long."
*************************************************
DRIVING PERMIT

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible a little more, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the Bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."
*************************************************

Psalms 8:2 (NKJ)   "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]





  Page 12 of 22