KID'S 'KORNER
Page 16 of 22
(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)
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WHO'S WATCHING?
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note:
"Take only one, God is watching."
Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of
chocolate chip cookies.
One of the youngsters had taped up a carefully written note: "Take
all you want, God is watching the apples."
[Sermon Fodder]
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WHY WORRY?
Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a
vacation in Colorado, flying to Denver and renting a car.
We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000
feet above the Arkansas River.
Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swayed in the
wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway
moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the
car across this bridge," I finally said.
"What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental car."
[2 Crazy Guy's Daily Clean Jokes]
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WONDER WHY?
Every night before he went to bed little David was told Bible stories.
One night while he was in the bathtub he kept putting his hand in the
water and then bringing it out and studying it.
Finally, with a puzzled
look, he asked, "Mommy, if we are made out of dirt why don't we
turn to mud when we get wet?"
[David's mother, Cindy Fishback; Williams, CA]
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DOVE FROM ABOVE
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival
meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a
small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage.
Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy
Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully
release the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher
called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and
exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down
from the rafters:
"Sir, a yellow cat just ate the Holy Spirit."
"Shall I throw down the yellow cat?"
[Twisted Straw]
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SPELLING
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling
once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to
figure out her own words.
From the back seat of the car
she'd yell, "Mom, what does fgrpl spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does
doeb spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they
sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does lmdz spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said,
"Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"
[Kathryn L. (via KidWarmers)]
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BEING THANKFUL
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother
says your prayers for you each night?
Very commendable. What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
[Keith Todd]
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CHILDREN'S SERMON
In church this past Sunday, we celebrated Communion. During the
"children's sermon", the minister was talking about Communion and what it
is all about.
"The Bible talks of Holy Communion being a 'joyful feast'. What does that
mean?
Well, 'joyful' means happy, right? And a feast is a meal. So a 'joyful
feast' is a happy meal. And what are the three things we need for a
happy meal?"
My son blurted out, "Hamburger, fries, and a regular soft drink?"
[Unknown]
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READY GOD
A boy was helping his mother bring the clothes in off the line as a storm
threatened.
As they brought in the last armload and closed the door, the boy
waved his hand at the heavens and said, "Okay God... let'er go!"
[Giggles&Grins]
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TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night,"Yes sir,"
the boy replied.
"And do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.
"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."
[Becky Shiles]
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SAVINGS ACCOUNT
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get
something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?"
mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as
they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the
application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space
for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight
hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'
[JokeBank]
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THE STORK
When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an
assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came
from." The purpose was to understand your genealogy.
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room
table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite
nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I
was stalling until they returned home, "Well, honey, the stork brought
you."
"Where did Mom come from then?" "The stork brought her, too." "OK,
then where did you come from?" "The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay, thanks, Grandma."
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was
cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For
three generations there have been no natural births in our family."
[Twisted Straw]
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ANTI-DRUG MESSAGE
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school
that she needed to take a clean "tee shirt" to class. She told us the
teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing
usable but one "tee shirt" that already had something printed on one side.
She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her
shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the
other... "Be Smart, Don't Start."
[Keith Todd]
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CHRISTMAS
"Here's a king," announced our three-year-old as he unwrapped a figurine
from our Nativity scene.
"And here's a donkey," he added as he continued unpacking.
Removing tissue from the statue of the infant molded permanently
in his manger, our son exclaimed, "Here's baby Jesus in his car seat!"
[Reader's Digest]
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FIRST CAMPING TRIP
Little Johnny was on his first camping trip with his father and uncle.
While the two men set up camp, Johnny went for a hike in the woods.
Not more than fifteen minutes later, he rushed back into camp,
bleeding and disheveled.
"What happened?" asked Johnny's dad.
"I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Johnny.
They two men laughed and his uncle said, "A black snake isn't deadly."
"Listen," groaned Little Johnny, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-
foot cliff, he is!"
[Twisted Straw]
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FRECKLES
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled
with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo.
Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by
a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in
the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy
dropped his head.
His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles.
When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while
tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are
beautiful!"
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing
that's prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his
grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
[Owen Lorion]
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JONAH REVISITED
A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the
youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was
discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah 1
and 2.
"And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah
was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah
prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying 'I
called to the Lord our of my distress and He answered me.' ... and
the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry
land." (Jonah 1:17 -- 2:2, 10)
When the Pastor finished the scripture quotation, he started trying
to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his
mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, "What does the fish vomiting
Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today.
One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire
congregation to hear, "It proves, even a fish can't stomach a bad
preacher!"
[Keith Todd]
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K-9 PARTNER
It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police
van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment,
his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy
staring in at him.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," he replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
[Aiken Drum]
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PUZZLED
Having lost weight over the past few years, I was
discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit.
My seven-year-old niece was watching as I held up a
huge pair of slacks.
"Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 163."
My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"
[Aiken Drum]
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CHURCH BELL BLUES
Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card
with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church.
Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim
children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."
"Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?"
[Tim Davis]
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HOLY TRADITION
Jimmy came home the other day and found his little brother
sitting on the steps crying. He asked what was wrong and
his little brother replied, "My cat died and I don't know
what to do..."
Jimmy thought for a moment and then told him, "When
someone dies you have to have funeral and bury him."
His little brother replied, "But I don't know how to have a
funeral."
"Well," said Jimmy, "you dig a hole to bury your cat, invite
a group of your friends over and say a few holy words over
the grave. That's it."
His little brother thought that was a great idea. Later
that afternoon, Jimmy came home and there was a group of
his brother's friends gathered in the back yard, the dead cat
was laying on top of the mound from the grave and his little
brother was asking everyone to have a seat.
Jimmy stood back and watched as his little brother lifted
the dead cat by the tail and held it over the grave. Then he
uttered the only holy words he found fitting:
"In the name of the Father... the Son... and 'in the hole
he goes'!"
[Jeff G.]
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Psalms 8:2 (NKJ) "Out of the mouth of babes . . ."
[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]
Page 16 of 22
Inspirational Humor
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