A Letter To The Cats
Dear Cats,
We need to talk.
-
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not
switch positions with each other so there are still two
cats in the way.
-
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
-
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster
than you can run.
-
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look
at videos of cats sleeping; they can actually curl up
in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
-
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space
used is nothing but feline sarcasm.
-
My compact discs are not toys for you and your friends
to play with.
-
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must
exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I
have been using bathrooms for years and I know that
feline attendance is not mandatory.
-
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It should be
such a simple change for you.
Sincerely, The Person Who Lives Here (and buys your food).
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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