A Woman's Random Thoughts
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Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
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Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them
down and forget where they left them.
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One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make
a woman gain 5 LBS.
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My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
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The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight
shoes.
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The nice part about living in a small town is that when you
don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by
then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
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Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
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Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
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I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing
together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
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Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and
it shrinks two sizes!
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Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things
like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never
forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to
eat.
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A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control
pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
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They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine
isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I
said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous
toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch ... do it and die."
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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited
about nothing (and then they marry him.)
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I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress
are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they
kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
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I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody
older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
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If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing
neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose
around your neck?
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Arizona Humor' ]
Inspirational Humor
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