Advice From Mark Twain

1. Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
   
   
2. Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.
   
   
3. There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
   
   
4. Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
   
   
5. We ought never to do wrong when people are looking.
   
   
6. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
   
   
7. Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
   
   
8. All you need to be assured of success in this life is ignorance and confidence.
   
   
9. Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.
   
   
10. It's a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
    
    
11. Let us not be too particular: It is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
    
    
12. Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
    
    
13. If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch for your chance and hit him with a brick.
    
    
14. Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
    
    
15. There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
    
    
16. Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
    
    
17. It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
    
    
18. Don't part with illu-sions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
    
    
19. Be careful to get out of an experience all the wisdom that is in it; not like the cat that sits down on a hot stove. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again...and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'The Funny Bone' (daily-fun@yahoogroups.com) ]