Answering Machine at School

This was voted unanimously by the office staff as the best answering machine message for the school.

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service for the school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all of the options before making a selection:

• To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
  
  
• To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her homework - Press 2
  
  
• To complain about what we do, how we do it - Press 3
  
  
• To chew out staff members - Press 4
  
  
• To ask why you didn't get information that was enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
  
  
• If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
  
  
• If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone - Press 7
  
  
• To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
  
  
• To complain about the bus transportation - Press 9
  
  
• To complain about school lunches - Press 0
  
  

If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be held accountable for his or her own behavior, class work, and homework; and that it's not the teachers fault for your child(ren)'s lack of effort -- hang-up and have a nice day!

[ Author unknown -- from Keith Todd ]