Australia Factoids....

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website - a Melbourne University Tourism Studies student working in the summer holidays answered....

• Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
  A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
  
  
• Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
  A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
  
  
• Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
  A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles, but take lots of water...
  
  
• Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
  A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
  
  
• Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
  A: What, did your last slave die of?
  
  
• Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
  A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
  
  
• Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
  A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
  
  
• Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
  A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
  
  
• Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
  A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
  
  
• Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
  A: You are a British politician, correct?
  
  
• Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
  A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
  
  
• Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
  A: No, WE don't stink.
  
  
• Q: Can you tell me the regions in Australia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
  A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
  
  
• Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
  A: Only at Christmas.
  
  
• Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
  A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
  
  
• Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
  A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
  
  
• Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
  A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets. [ WARNING: Australian snakes are *NOT* harmless ].
  
  
• Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
  A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
  

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Arizona Humor' ]