Choir Proficiency Test
In order to measure your level of proficiency as a choir member, the
following test has been carefully developed by experts. Read and
reflect on each situation and then select the option that will enhance
the quality of the performance.
-
You are entering the choir loft on Sunday morning and suddenly trip
and fall down. You should:
-
Assume a kneeling position and break into fervent prayer.
-
Pretend that you've had a heart attack.
-
Crawl into the nearest chair.
-
Begin speaking in tongues.
-
You are a soprano and count incorrectly. As a result you boom out
a high "C" one measure too soon. You should:
-
Slide into an inspired "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing."
-
Look triumphant and hold on to the note.
-
Stop abruptly in mid squawk but keep your lips moving.
-
Sink to the floor in shame.
-
After all those long hard choir rehearsals, you show up twenty
minutes late for the Christmas musical. You should:
-
Climb into the back row of the choir from the baptistery.
-
Enter pretending to be a sound-man checking cables and then
suddenly slip yourself into the choir.
-
Turn the lights out in the church and slip into the choir
during the blackout.
-
Read M. Stephen's pamphlet "Techniques for Tardy
Appearances."
-
While singing, you discover you have only one page of a two page
hymn. You should:
-
Hum for your life.
-
Sing "watermelon, watermelon, watermelon."
-
Try to get another hymnal out of the choir rack with your
feet.
-
Sing the first page over again.
-
Inevitably that dreaded big sneeze occurs toward the end of the
choir special. You should:
-
As you sneeze, come down hard on your neighbor's foot to
create a diversion.
-
Try to make it harmonize.
-
Sneeze into the hair of the choir member in front of you to
muffle the noise.
-
Sink to the floor in shame.
Count the number of A's, B's, C's, and D's you checked and find your
proficiency rating below:
-
4 or more A's...there is nothing more you need to know to be a first
rate choir member.
-
4 or more B's...your church choir reflexes are fully developed and you
should do well in choir.
-
4 or more C's...your church choral experience is spotty but your team
spirit is on target. You will be an asset to almost any choir.
-
4 or more D's...it is recommended you take-up soccer or get group therapy
counseling.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes@yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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