Church Bulletin Bloopers

Ushers will eat latecomers.

For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy!"

The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

"Wise Up, O Men of God"

Easter Sunday, we will have a 9:30 worship service. The 11:00 will be hell as usual.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

The 8th graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Tonight's sermon -- "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the North and South ends of the church. Babies will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

This being Easter, Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of a new carpet. All of those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.

Thursday night - Potluck supper -- prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The Ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the basement on Saturday.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The agenda was adopted... the minutes were approved... the financial secretary gave a grief report.

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

Small typographical error seen in the church's bulletin: "The May meeting of the church finance committee will be hell as usual."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the rec. hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer and Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

[ Original source and author unknown -- From: Stan M. ]