Deer Hunting

Saturday

1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings.
2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper.
3:00 A.M. Leave for deep woods.
3:15 A.M. Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 A.M. Drive like mad to get to woods before daylight.

4:00 A.M. Set up camp -- forgot the sleeping tent.
4:30 A.M. Head into woods.
6:05 A.M. See eight deer.
6:06 A.M. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 A.M. "CLICK"
6:08 A.M. Load gun, while watching deer go over hill.

8:00 A.M. Head back to camp.
9:00 A.M. Still looking for camp.
10:00 A.M. Realize you don't know where camp is.
NOON Fire gun for help -- eat wild berries.
12:15 P.M. Ran out of bullets -- eight deer come back.
12:20 P.M. Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 P.M. Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 P.M. Rescued, rushed to hospital -- stomach pumped.
3:00 P.M. Arrive back at camp.
3:30 P.M. Leave camp to kill a deer.

4:00 P.M. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 P.M. Load gun -- leave camp again.
5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 P.M. Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 P.M. Load gun and fire.
6:02 P.M. One dead pick-up truck.
6:04 P.M. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 P.M. Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 P.M. Fall into the camp fire.
6:10 P.M. Change clothes -- throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 P.M. Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in the woods.

6:25 P.M. Pick-up boils over -- hole shot in radiator.
6:26 P.M. Start walking, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 P.M. Meet bear and take aim.
6:37 P.M. Fire gun -- blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 P.M. Dirty my pants.
6:39 P.M. Climb a tree.
9:00 P.M. Bear departs -- I wrap gun around the tree.
MIDNIGHT Home at last.


Sunday

Following church services, watch ball game on TV, while tearing
hunting license into pieces, place them into an envelope and
mail to Game Warden -- then I promise God I'll never hunt again.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Colorado Comments' ]