Diet Excuses
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But the doughnut was calling my name.
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I felt left out because they were eating.
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But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the
whole cake.
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The kids overseas are starving, so naturally
I have to clean my plate.
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I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth
from eating the so- called dish, so I had an
ice cream.
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If you eat something and no one sees you
eat it, it has no calories.
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If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
the calories in the candy bar are canceled
out by the diet soda.
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When you eat with someone else, calories
don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
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Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER
count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast
and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
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If you fatten up everyone else around you,
then you look thinner.
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Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered
Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie
Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories
because they are part of the entertainment
package and not part of one's personal fuel.
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Cookie pieces contain no fat - the process
of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception:
Cookies sold by TEXAS D'LITES distributors.
Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no
FAT content, low in calories, lots of fiber,
protein, and other nutritional ingredients.
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Things licked off knives and spoons have no
calories if you are in the process of preparing
something. Examples are peanut butter on a
knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a
spoon making a sundae.
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Foods that have the same color have the same
number of calories. Examples are: spinach and
pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white
chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color
and may be substituted for any other food color.
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Foods that are frozen have no calories because
calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream,
frozen pies, and Popsicles.
[ Author Unknown -- from Aiken Drum ]
Inspirational Humor
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