Dog-er-cise
You've seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts
of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment.
If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in
shape now!!!
The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime . . . .
-
Inner Thighs:
Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press
tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who
favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be
damaged.
-
Upper Body Strength:
Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed.
Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed -
onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and so on.
-
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1:
Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places.
If they're too small for him, they're certainly too
small for you. Do it anyway!
-
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2:
Practice not falling when your dog bounds across
the full length of the room, sails through the air,
and slams both front paws into the back of your
knees.
-
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3:
(for use with multiple dogs)
Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone
before it stops ringing.
-
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 4:
(alternate) For older dogs, attempt to cross a
room without tripping over the dog. Get off your
couch without crushing any part of a sleeping
elderly dog.
-
Upper Arms:
Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the
Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.
-
Upper Arms: (alternate)
Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock.
Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the
dog gives up (we all know which comes first).
-
Hand Coordination:
Remove foreign object from dog's locked jaw. This
exercise is especially popular with puppy owners.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed
exercise. Movements must be quick and precise
(think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet,
which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw
firming clenches.
-
Calves:
After the dog has worn out the rest of your body,
hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug
while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only
for those with strong bones and small dogs. Have
you taken your calcium supplement today?
-
Calves: (alternate)
Run after dog - pick any reason, there are
plenty. Dogs of any size can be used for this
exercise. Greyhounds are inadvisable.
-
Neck Muscles:
Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed
for your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong
fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble
to "French Kiss" you when you least expect it.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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