Great Sayings...
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You! Off my planet!
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If I throw a stick, will you leave?
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Do I look like a people person?
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Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
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Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
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This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
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I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
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I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
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Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
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Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
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Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
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Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
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Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
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Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
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If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
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Does your train of thought have a caboose?
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Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
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Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
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And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
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I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
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If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
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See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
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A PBS mind in an MTV world.
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Allow me to introduce my selves.
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Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
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Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
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Better living through denial.
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Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
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Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
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Adult child of alien invaders.
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Do they ever shut up on your planet?
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I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
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I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
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A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
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Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
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Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
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Back off! You're standing in my aura.
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I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
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Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
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Adults are just kids who owe money.
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I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
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I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
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Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
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Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
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Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
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Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
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Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
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Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
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Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
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Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
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Earth is full. Go home.
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Is it time for your medication or mine?
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I plead contemporary insanity.
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And which dwarf are you?
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I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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How do I set a laser printer to stun?
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Meandering to a different drummer.
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I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
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I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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