Holidays - Human Resources Director
December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can
be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry
Christmas to you and your family. Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now
on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to
employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no
Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and
your family. Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the
gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
that $10 is too much money. Patty Lewis, Human Researchers Director
December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement
for the gay men's table. Happy now?! Patty Lewis, Human Racehorses
Director
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people, people!!-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our
CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to
be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit." Patty Lewis, Human Ratraces
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party
at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not; you can just sit at the
table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get
salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes
have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard the
scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha Ha! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday! Patty Leiws, Human
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has cancelled our
Holiday Party and is giving everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off, with
full pay! Happy Holidays! Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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