Laws of Crowded Stores
-
A stunned, bewildered idiot will stand at the intersection of two
or more major traffic aisles so as to cause the most inconvenience
to passers-by who do know where they are going.
-
Such idiot will be carrying at least one bag capable of comfortably
holding a '57 Buick, and will make sudden, random turns so as to
fling the bag into the shins (or worse) of passers-by.
-
When such idiot is intercepted by family and/or friends and removed
from the location, they will be replaced by a freshly bewildered
idiot within 2.5 minutes, maximum.
-
No matter how many signs (or how big they are) the store puts up
clearly announcing "NO RETURNS OR EXCHANGES DEC 26 or 27" there
will be no less than 5 morons crowded into every cashier's line
who figure this rule couldn't possibly apply to them. And they'll
be pretty huffy about it, too.
-
Nitwits who can clearly afford baby sitters (either that, or they're
shoplifting the 5 high-end DVD players under their arm) will have
the curious impression that Boxing Day shopping is exactly the
sort of bonding event their squalling 3-week-old offspring wants
most to do in this life.
-
The parking lot of any store over 300 square meters will contain
no less than 17 Sport Utility Vehicles with dogs pretending to
be ready to drive off at a moment's notice. When the supervising
human does return, odds are 50:50 that the dog will occupy said
human's lap as driving commences. Especially if the dog is the
size of a Saturn Launch Vehicle.
-
No idiot driving a SUV has any grasp of the physical size of the
vehicle, with the result being that parking them involves maneuvers
hitherto unaccomplished by the entire Kirov Ballet.
-
Imbeciles paying for purchases of Items Necessary to Life (consumer
electronics, compact disks, angora sweaters..) with $50 bills will
be constantly complaining about the state of abject poverty they
live in.
-
Seven hours before closing time December 24, Wal-Mart will start
setting up displays of huge saccharine Valentine's Bears, each
clutching oversized satin hearts.
-
Any mall containing a theatre will have an aroma of popcorn frying
in rancid canola emanating into the hall. The smell will be strong
enough to gag a badger. And patrons will buy it at prices per
ounce greater than those for top sirloin, under the impression
it's somehow "healthy" for them, and that the 4 tablespoons of
salt on it somehow don't count.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
SkyWriting.Net
All Rights Reserved.
|