Laws of Parenting

Sir Isaac Newton may have discovered the laws of gravity, but here's a parallel set of laws that govern moms and dads.

• A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance he or she is away from the parent.
  
  
• Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.
  
  
• The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.
  
  
• A child's enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent's enjoyment.
  
  
• The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.
  
  
• A child will always eat exactly what he or she has loved for the past year -- unless it is the only food in the fridge.
  
  
• The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]