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Marriage Definitions
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BACHELOR:
1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.
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BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind
her.
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COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife
whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
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DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look
fat in a fur coat.
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GENTLEMAN:
1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that
his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to
her so that she can easily pick it up.
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HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she
doesn't do it.
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HUSBAND:
1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
2) A person who is the boss of his house and has
his wife's permission to say so.
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JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits
the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
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LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
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MISS: A title with which we brand unmarried women to
indicate that they are in the market.
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MISTRESS: Something between a mister and a mattress.
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MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace
of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.
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SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all
the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in
the first place.
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WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having
anything to wear at the very same time that she complains
about not having enough room in the closet.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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