Midlife Is . . .
-
Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize
you are now so old, you have to pay someone to
look at you naked.
-
The good news about midlife is that the glass is
still half-full... of course, the bad news is that it
won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
-
Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have
wingspans... we are no longer women in sleeveless
shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
-
Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of
a mirror and can see your rear end without turning
around.
-
You know you are getting old when you go for a
mammogram and you realize it is the only time
someone will ask you to appear topless in film.
-
You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when
you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak
version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce
department.
-
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't
bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)
-
Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves...
and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
-
It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in midlife... jiggly,
yes; jiggy, no.
-
Midlife is when your 1990's Body-by-Jake now includes
Legs-by-Rand McNally. (more red and blue lines than
an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).
-
Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young
lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even
the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!
-
Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look
at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all
teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
-
Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself... and
your chins follow suit.
-
Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog,
you'd need a control top flea collar.
-
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go.
The only thing you still retain is water.
-
You become more reflective in midlife. You start
pondering the "big" questions -- what is life, why
am I here... how much Healthy Choice ice cream
can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
[ Author Unknown -- from 'andychaps_the-funnies' ]
Inspirational Humor
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