Mom's Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two
children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,
sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade
tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine
patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the
back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows
when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids
(in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that
don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming
toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a
waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with
fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult
music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing
talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind
the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says,
"Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one
potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of
jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I
could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in
the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my
voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can
only be heard by the dog.
And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pak, the hottest stocking
stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three
fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making
the In-law's house seem just like mine.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
served in a Styrofoam container. If you don't mind I could also use a
few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be
too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my
conscience immensely.
It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around
the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking
downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my
feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney
and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help
yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.
Yours always.....
Mom
PS: One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep
my children young enough to believe in Santa.
[ Author Unknown -- from Thomas S. Ellsworth 'GCF' (good-clean-fun.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
SkyWriting.Net
All Rights Reserved.
|