More Things I Learned From My Children
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There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
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If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
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A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
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If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear
and a superman cape.
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It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room.
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Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
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You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
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When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball
up a few times before you get a hit.
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A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
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The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
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When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already
too late.
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Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
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A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36
year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
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A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
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If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoe it
does not leak - it explodes.
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A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot
house 4 inches deep.
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Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
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Duplos will not.
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Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same
sentence.
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Super glue is forever.
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No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
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Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
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VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
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Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
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Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
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You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
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Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
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Plastic toys do not like ovens.
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The fire department in Austin has at least a 5 minute response
time.
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The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms
dizzy.
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It will however make cats dizzy.
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Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
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A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
(unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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