Mothers Job Description
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for
challenging permanent work, in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required -- including trips to primitive camping
sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties
are also required; frequently, on very short notice.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be
hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing
to bite your tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina
of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three
seconds flat -- in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are
not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating
technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of
all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable
one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and
battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best, but be
prepared for the worst. Must assume final complete accountability
for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include, floor
maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually
none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job
training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering
frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they
turn 18, because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it, and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: No health or dental insurance, no pension, no
tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered -- however, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
and free hugs for life, if you play your cards right.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'keepAhead' -- Ed:anon. ]
Inspirational Humor
SkyWriting.Net
All Rights Reserved.
|