Murphy's Law: as seen by Nurses
( Murphy's Law:"If something can go wrong, it will" )
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A 500 pound patient needs all care, while your 80 pound patient needs
a finger dressing ... and your colleague has a "bad back."
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It's your first night shift for three years. And it's a full moon.
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You're doing the "Only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell
happy-dance", only to turn around to see your supervisor standing
there.
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In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will
offer the most advice and the least support.
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The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the
distance from the bedside.
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As soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come
in, and take a look at the wound.
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The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose
beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it.
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Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated
with bodily fluids.
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The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5
minutes before shift change.
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You walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need
anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three
quarters the way down the hall.
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The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell
more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.
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The doctor with the worst handwriting and most original use of the
English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.
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You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you've
gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room.
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The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the
depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.
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When you cancel extra staff because it's so quiet, you are guaranteed
a rash of admissions.
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If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on.
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Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes.
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When management smiles at you, be very, very afraid ...
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Staffing will gladly send you three aides--but you have to float two
of your RNs.
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As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered.
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Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you've had the night
from hell and just want to go home to bed.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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