Newspaper Headlines

60 Actual Newspaper Headlines, Collected by Journalists

1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
   
   
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
   
   
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
   
   
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
   
   
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
   
   
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
   
   
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
   
   
8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
   
   
9. Stud Tires Out
   
   
10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
    
    
11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
    
    
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
    
    
13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
    
    
14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
    
    
15. Eye Drops Off Shelf
    
    
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    
    
17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    
    
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    
    
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    
    
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    
    
21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
    
    
22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
    
    
23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
    
    
24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
    
    
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
    
    
26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
    
    
27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
    
    
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
    
    
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
    
    
30. War Dims Hope For Peace
    
    
31. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
    
    
32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
    
    
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    
    
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
    
    
35. Deer Kill 17,000
    
    
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    
    
37. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    
    
38. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
    
    
39. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
    
    
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    
    
41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
    
    
42. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
    
    
43. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
    
    
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
    
    
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
    
    
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
    
    
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
    
    
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
    
    
49. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
    
    
50. Police Discovered Pot Plants Were Really Cannabis
    
    
51. Headless Body Found In Topless Bar
    
    
52. Air Head Fired
    
    
53. Steals Clock, Faces Time
    
    
54. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
    
    
55. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
    
    
56. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
    
    
57. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
    
    
58. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
    
    
59. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
    
    
60. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (AIKENSLongJoke@topica.com) ]