Oath of Enlistment - by Branch
All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment
are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of
Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both
society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone
marked changes and has been specifically tailored to each branch of
the Military and their specific function.
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it
in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water
over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do
any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid
form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their
first
name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will
have
a
better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be
sure to
make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training"
I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting,
civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,
Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will
make an
effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back.
I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me
God!
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED
STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get
into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy
won't
take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and
tuck
my
trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing
straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a
date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing
machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only
action I will see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I
acknowledge
the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to
maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After
completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will
attend
a
different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I
did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk
around
like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my
wife
stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a
better-looking
Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to
take
her
back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at
1000
hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to
"COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever
that
will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working
construction
with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the
Army
giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I
can't
pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!
_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my
life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines
without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air
Force
was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt
like
the
Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I
promise
to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name
stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I
will be
mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS
during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the
rest of the
English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead,
cover, geedunk,
scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall,
hat, candy,
water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in
the
fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else
for
that matter, are completely different from the other services and make
absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at
0700
every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I
will
show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to
the
point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon,
and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and
subsequently
busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected
for
Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly
illegal,
whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt...cammies.... ugh...Air Force
women....HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS!
X____________________
Thumb Print
_____________________
Date
[ Author Unknown -- from Harveythefrogprince, via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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