Office Happenings . . .

1. Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done."
   
   
2. Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
   
   
3. A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
   
   
4. My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
   
   
5. My Boss said to me, "What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.
   
   
6. My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
   
   
7. I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too ... but at least I respect him.
   
   
8. He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.
   
   
9. Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
   
   
10. Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"
    
    
11. HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
    
    
12. Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Bosses' daughter finishes her summer classes.
    
    
13. It's Tuesday...try to get through the day!...then you can go home... kick off your shoes...have the butler pour you some champagne while you eat chocolates and wait for the maid to finish cooking dinner. After she serves you your favorite meal then she leads you to your special chambers where your favorite film is waiting to be seen. While the fireplace begins to roar...cognac is on it's way...for those of you who don't drink you can substitute for water, cola, etc. Then you comfortably begin to fall asleep...while the maid pushes that special button that turns the chair into a full sized bed... you wake up to an alarm clock that sounds like a waterfall, then your maid brings you your breakfast...the limo is waiting to take you to your favorite place...your job...then you wake up...Yikes! Hey, we can still dream...

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes@yahoogroups.com) ]