Pilots - On The Radio

Heard on the radio . . . .

1. SR-71 Pilots - I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed. "90 knots" Center replied. Moments later, a Twin Beech requested the same. "120 knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-15 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots." No further groundspeed inquiries were heard on that frequency.
   
   
2. In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft.) The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, " We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to come down to it..." He was cleared...
   
   
3. There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "one of those dreaded seven-engine approaches!"
   
   
4. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".
   
   
5. Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine...." explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
   
   
6. "American 241, for noise abatement, turn right 45 Degrees." "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"

[ Author Unknown -- from Patricia, via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]