Q & A on College
Having a child in college is the best cure I know for some of the
worst symptoms of middle age, such as savings accounts and vacations.
It's sort of the financial equivalent of stepping into an elevator
shaft--except that in this case, at the end of each semester the
elevator takes you back up to the top floor so you can do it again.
ANSWER: No, it makes you a typical parent. ANSWER: Take tuition, room, and board and subtract it from your net income. The amount left over is what college will cost you in "non-discretionary fees." ANSWER: Having a child in college means giving up such luxuries. ANSWER: First, be a professional athlete, and second, marry a professional athlete. ANSWER: I'd say 16. QUESTION: What? Won't my kid be in high school by then? ANSWER: You misunderstand me: I don't mean when your kid is 16, I mean when you are 16. Any later than that and you might as well forget it ANSWER: Neurosurgeon. ANSWER: Student loans are very effective at keeping someone broke long after graduation. The theory behind them is that your child borrows money at a low interest rate and then pays it back after he has earned a degree and is unemployed and living with you. ANSWER: Your child will want you to pay "out-of-state tuition." ANSWER: Well, that's not going to be enough. ANSWER: First, buy a post card with a picture of a Cancun resort hotel on it. Write "Wish you were here" on the back of the post card. Next, open a box of pop tarts and remove one of the pastries and set it out on the table for three days. Then shut down your furnace and turn off all the lights in your house. Sit there in the gloom, shivering, and start eating the stale pop tart. When you are halfway finished chewing your way through the thing, pick up the post card and pretend your daughter just sent it to you while on spring break. ANSWER: You see much less of your son now, and when he calls it is very often to ask for more money, so it is understandable that you feel this way. But despite the fact that he doesn't express it, I can assure you, it's not just the money--your son also cares very deeply about the fact that when he comes home to visit you do his laundry. ANSWER: It's an honor to get a question from Bill Gates. For everybody else, I hope this edition of Bruce the Answer Man has been helpful!
~ Bruce Cameron ~ [ by W. Bruce Cameron Copyright © 2007 (bruce@wbrucecameron.com) -- {used with permission} ]Inspirational Humor SkyWriting.Net All Rights Reserved. |