Raising Boys
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas . . .
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a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
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b) For those who already have children past this age, this
is hilarious.
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c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
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d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a
warning.
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e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth
control.
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
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A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq.
ft. house 4 inches deep.
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If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them
with roller blades, they can ignite.
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A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
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If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman
underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however,
if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of
a 20x20 ft. room.
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You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is
on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the
ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can
hit a baseball a long way.
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The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
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When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh",
it's already too late.
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Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of
it.
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A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in
the movies.
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Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract
of a 4-year old boy.
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Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
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Super glue is forever.
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No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool
you still can't walk on water.
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Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
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VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
commercials show that they do.
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Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
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Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
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You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
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Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic
toys do not like ovens.
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The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time.
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The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.
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It will, however, make cats dizzy.
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Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox
and brake fluid.
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Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends,
with or without kids.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Lab Laughs' (LABLaughsClean@topica.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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