Real 911 Calls, believe it or not!

• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?
  Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house
  on the corner.
  Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
  Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
  
  
• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?
  Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and
  cheese sandwich.
  Dispatcher: Excuse me?
  Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
  table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite
  out of it.
  Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
  Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.
  
  
• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
  Caller: Hi, is this the police?
  Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
  Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a
  turkey? I've never cooked one before.
  
  
• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?
  Called: Fire, I guess.
  Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
  Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their
  trucks?
  Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
  Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on
  my tires and....well.... do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and
  help me?
  Dispatcher: Help you what?
  Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!
  
  
• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is the nature of your emergency?
  Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
  Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
  Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
  Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
  Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
  
  
• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What's the nature of your emergency?
  Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
  apart.
  Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
  Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.
  
  And the winner is . . . . . .
  
  
• Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
  Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
  Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
  Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
  Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......
  Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
  Caller: No
  Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
  breathing?
  Caller: Running from the police.
  

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]