Religious One Liners
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I don't care WHO you are, quit walking on the water while I'm fishing!
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A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and
they should be as close together as possible.
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Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.
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Why settle for the lesser of two evils?
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Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...
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A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.
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I'm convinced God put me here to accomplish a certain number of
things; right now, I'm so far behind I'll never die!
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He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something
to aim at. ---Terry Pratchett, 'Small Gods'
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And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words
of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords
- Alan Wilson Watts
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I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is prepared
for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. -- Winston
Churchill
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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
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Adam to Eve: I'll wear the plants in this family!
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And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you take over.
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Birth, life, death. Repeat as necessary.
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I disbelieved in reincarnation in my last life, too.
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Freedom *OF* religion includes freedom *FROM* religion.
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In a crisis call for Isis!
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That was Zen. this is Tao.
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Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you monks ever think about?
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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies,
probably because they are generally the same people.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get
much sleep.
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On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the
evolutionists try and figure this one out.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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Confession without repentance is just bragging. - Rev. Eugene Bolton
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Heck is a place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
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Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world,
God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.
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"I don't question YOUR existence." - God
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (AIKENSLongJoke@topica.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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