Singing Voices
Top Reasons for Being a Tenor:
-
Tenors get high without drugs.
-
Name a musical where the bass got the girl.
-
You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.
-
Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see The
Three Basses?
-
Who needs brains when you've got resonance?
-
Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-
improvement
section of the bookstore.
-
When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money
doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.
-
Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody
invented
a genre for basses.
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Top Reasons for Being a Bass:
-
You don't have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.
-
You don't have to worry about a woman stealing your job.
-
Or a pre adolescent boy.
-
Action heroes are always basses. That is, if they ever sang, they
would sing bass.
-
You get great memorable lyrics like bop, bop, bop, bop (boong
ching ... boong chi-ching).
-
If the singing job doesn't work out, there's always broadcasting.
-
You never need to learn to read the treble clef.
-
It doesn't matter much if you get a cold.
-
For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people
into thinking there's an earthquake.
-
If you burp while you're singing, the audience just thinks it's
part of the score.
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Top Reasons for Being a Soprano:
-
The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.
-
Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?
-
When sopranos sing in the shower, they know the tune.
-
You are never going to sing the alto part by accident.
-
Great costumes: like the hat with the horns on it.
-
How many world famous altos can you name?
-
When the fat lady sings, she's usually singing soprano.
-
When you get tired of the tune, you can sing the descant.
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Top Reasons for Being an Alto:
-
You get really good at singing E flat.
-
You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures. tang ... tang ... tang ...)
-
No warm up needed to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.
-
If the choir really stinks, it's unlikely the altos will be blamed.
-
You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.
-
You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because
everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don't have to
learn to read music.
-
You can sometimes find part time work singing tenor.
-
Altos get all the great intervals.
-
When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the
end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.
-
When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.
[ Author Unknown -- Stan Kegel, via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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