The Birth Order Of Children
Your Clothes:
-
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as
your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
-
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as
possible.
-
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular
clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
-
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.
-
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
-
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate
them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are
clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
-
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
-
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a
frown--you pick up the baby.
-
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his/her wails threaten
to wake your firstborn.
-
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind
the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
-
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it
away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
-
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you
squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
-
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
-
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour,
whether they need it or not.
-
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three
hours, if needed.
-
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before
others start to complain about the smell or you see
it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
-
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics,
Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
-
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
-
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket
and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
-
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a
sitter, you call home five times.
-
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you
remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
-
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to
call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
-
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing
at the baby.
-
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be
sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or
hitting the baby.
-
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding
from the children.
Swallowing Coins:
-
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush
the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
-
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you
carefully watch for the coin to pass.
-
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct
it from his allowance!!
Pass this on to everyone you know who has children... or
everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children...
(the older the mother, the funnier this is !)
GRANDCHILDREN: ...God's reward for allowing your children to live.
[ Author Unknown -- from Lorraine, via 'LABLaughs' (LABLaughs@LABLaughs.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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