The Laws of Golf
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LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst
is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th
hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend
over the course of a tournament, a summer and,
eventually, a lifetime.
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LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost
immediately by your worst round ever. The probability
of the latter increases with the number of people you
tell about the former.
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LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though
this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact
that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its
attraction to water.
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LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into
play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of
Nature and must be cut down.
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LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot,
all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You
looked up" or else invoke the Wrath of the Universe.
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LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more
qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
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LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret
desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the
greater its desire.
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LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture
known to man.
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LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
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LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain
the way it works against you?
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LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of power at the
farthest point from the clubhouse.
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LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always
be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a
group you accidentally hit into will consist of a
football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent.
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LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
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LAW 14: Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to follow
one another, particularly out of bounds or into the
water (See Law 3).
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LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and
beauty.
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LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy
putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be
translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
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LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will
always be the one who beats you.
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LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will
automatically adjust your score to what it really
should be.
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LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per
month.
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LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid
only until sunset.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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