Things Dogs Must Remember

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
   
   
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
   
   
3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
   
   
4. I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
   
   
5. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
   
   
6. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
   
   
7. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
   
   
8. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
   
   
9. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
   
   
10. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
    
    
11. I will not wake Mommy by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
    
    
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
    
    
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
    
    
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
    
    
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
    
    
16. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
    
    
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
    
    
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
    
    
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
    
    
20. I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.
    

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]