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Things to Ponder
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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
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Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks.
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Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like
they used to?
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
However, I have come to realize that it bears a very close
resemblance to the first.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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