Tips For Working Hard
-
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People
with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading
for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like
they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their
hands look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure
you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the
false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
-
Use computers to look busy - Any time you use a computer, it looks
like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal
email, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing
anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to
talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by
your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to
claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable
training dollars.
-
Messy desk - Top management can get away with a clean desk.
For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough.
Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the
observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's
volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know
somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll
need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it
when he/she arrives.
-
Voice Mail - Never answer your phone if you have voice
mail. People don't call you just because they want to
give you something for nothing they call because they want
YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen
all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a
voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending
work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're
not there - it looks like you're hardworking and
conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming
calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this
will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give
up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The
sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore
my last message. I took care of it". If your voice
mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can
hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently.
One way to do that is to never erase any incoming
messages. If that takes too long, send yourself
a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded
message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"
- a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee
in high demand.
-
Looking Impatient and Annoyed - According to George
Costanza of 'Seinfeld', one should also always try to
look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the
impression that you are always busy.
-
Appear to Work Late - Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could
read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted
to read but have no time until late before leaving.
Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way
out. Send important emails at unearthly hours
(e.g.9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during public holidays.
-
Creative Sighing for Effect - Sigh loudly when there
are many people around, giving the impression that you
are very hard pressed
-
Stacking Strategy - It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor
etc... Can always borrow from library. Thick computer
manuals are the best.
-
Build Vocabulary - Read up on some computer magazines
and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it
freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember:
They don't have to understand what you say, but you
sure sound impressive.
* MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
[ George Costanza & Kramer -- from 'Aiken Drum' (Aiken@AikensLaughs.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
SkyWriting.Net
All Rights Reserved.
|