Life's Truths for Adults
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I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
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There is nothing worse than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
when I was younger.
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There is great need for a sarcasm font.
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Really, how ARE you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
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Was learning cursive really necessary?
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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
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Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told
you how the person died.
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I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
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Bad decisions make good stories.
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You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day.
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Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ...
again.
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I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
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"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this - ever.
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I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Shoot!), but when I immediately call back, it rings
nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I
didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
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I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a
waste.
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I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.
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I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
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I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite
than Kay.
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I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
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Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on
when I first saw it.
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I would rather try to carry ten over-loaded plastic bags
in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.
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The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
trying to finish a text.
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I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.
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How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?
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I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
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Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
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Is it just me, or do high school kids get dumber and
dumber every year?
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There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.
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Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.
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Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can
find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in
about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
[ Author Unknown -- Received from dadiodio, via 'Good Clean Funnies List' (gcfl-info@gcfl.net) ]
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