'Twas the Month After Christmas

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
As the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.'

As I dressed myself, in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--.

I said to myself, only as I can
'You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!

So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.'

I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick..

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Diet?? Did I say 'Diet'?? What Diet!?? (heh hehe...)

[ Author Unknown -- from Rita, via 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]