Will Rogers
Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was
probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy
the following:
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Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
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Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
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There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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Always drink upstream from the herd.
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If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it
back in your pocket.
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There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The
few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the
electric fence and find out for themselves.
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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.
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If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now
and then to make sure it's still there.
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Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it
back.
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After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER . . .
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First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about
your age and start bragging about it.
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Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line
for.
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Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want
people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some
of the roads weren't paved.
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Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
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Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up
or leaks.
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Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the
top.
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Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that
it is such a nice change from being young.
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Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has
been
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Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it
was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
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And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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