Work Rules For All Employees...
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DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work
dressed according to your salary, if we see you
wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci
bag we assume you are doing well financial and
therefore you do not need a raise.
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SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are
an employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.
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PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal
days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
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VACATION DAYS: All employees will take there vacation
at the same time every year. The vacation days are as
follows: January 1, July 4 and December 25.
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BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co- workers. Every effort should be made
to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In
rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,
the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early,
provided your share of the work is done enough.
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OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an
excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice
as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
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RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in
the restroom. In the future, we will follow the
practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,
all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from
8:00
to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go
from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on If you're unable to go at
your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until
the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme
emergencies employees may swap their time with a
coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must
approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end
of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
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LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as
they need to eat more so that they can look healthy,
normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a
balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat
people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
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IN CONCLUSION: Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input
should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. Management
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
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