You Know You're A Mom When . . .
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You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure
they're equal.
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You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your
child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
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You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
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You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
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You child throws up, and you catch it.
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Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
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You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
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You mastered the art of placing large quanitities of pancakes
and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
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Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in
the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby
of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
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You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband
in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on
the kids.
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You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your
child eats.
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You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your
child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
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You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
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You hate the thought of his wife even more.
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You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get
that disease.
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You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual
shapes.
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You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots
Bambi's mother.
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You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
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You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his
first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without
looking back the second time.
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You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
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You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you
say, "Not in your good clothes!"
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You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
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You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day
and feel proud that your kid is above average.
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You say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job, but you
know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
[ Author Unknown -- from 'Buffalos Chips' (buffalos-g-jokes.yahoogroups.com) ]
Inspirational Humor
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