365 Tips For Mom's
Hints for Mom's . . .
- Cut off the crusts.
- Make real cocoa.
- Hang their drawings on the fridge.
- Say the clay ashtray is what you always wanted.
- Sing silly songs.
- Make goofy faces.
- Let them take off the training wheels.
- Remind the Tooth Fairy about inflation.
- Buy a good stain remover.
- Let them keep the kitten.
- Remember when YOU misbehaved.
- If you don't know, say so.
- Let grandma spoil them.
- Let them stay up just a little bit longer.
- Lock up the good china.
- Tickle.
- Be a good sport.
- Be a good friend.
- Smile when your mother-in-law gives you advice.
- ALL mothers are working mothers.
- Ultimatums don't work.
- Bribes work.
- Hysteria will get you nowhere.
- Their first summer at camp is murder.
- Let them lick the spoon.
- Learn lots of lullabies.
- Breastfeeding in public goes over better in Europe.
- Learn to handle sleep deprivation.
- Have an answer ready for "Where do babies come from?"
- Don't flinch when they grow taller than you.
- Going to college don't mean they won't come back.
- Don't teach them to parallel park.
- Be consistent.
- Think quick.
- Improvise.
- Sympathize.
- Remember: It's just a phase.
- "Wait till your father gets home" is a cop-out.
- "Because I said so" is a good reason.
- Never tell them how much they'll inherit.
- Teach them four precious words: "We can't afford it.".
- Carry Wash'n Dri.
- Smile when you change that diaper.
- It's absolutely okay to say "No".
- Buy chunky peanut butter in jumbo jars.
- Run a credit line at the toy store.
- Forget suede.
- Teachers ARE underpaid.
- Learn the rules of football.
- Teach them to write thank you notes.
- Your teenage daughter WILL find you embarrassing.
- Cheese food is not cheese.
- Thirteen is too late to put them up for adoption.
- Potty training builds character (yours).
- Sibling rivalry builds character (theirs).
- Worry, worry, worry.
- Childbirth is not for wimps.
- Stretch marks are a badge of honor.
- Half your brain leaves with the placenta.
- Donate pre-pregnancy jeans to charity.
- Don't read the label on baby formula.
- With luck, they'll call you once a week when they leave
- With luck, they won't call collect.
- With luck, they'll pay for their own therapy when grown
- No matter what, they'll always be your babies.
- The older they get, the wiser you'll seem.
- Just when you've got them figured out, they change.
- Kiss it an make it better.
- Make ice cube popsicles.
- If you promised, do it.
- Watch what you promise.
- When in doubt, say "We'll see."
- Bunk beds are cool.
- You'll sometimes act just like YOUR mother.
- Buy Permapress.
- Use the honor system.
- You can only shoot so much videotape.
- Pose good questions.
- Colic happens.
- Cowlicks happen.
- Look what being a martyr got Joan of Arc.
- A dishwasher is not a luxury.
- The new math is harder than the old math.
- Let's hear it for leftovers.
- Don't leave their teddy bear behind.
- Learn to make daisy chains.
- Not everyone can be a valedictorian.
- They're never too old to scold.
- They're never too big to hug.
- They're never too smart to receive some good advice.
- They're never too rich to take home your leftovers.
- Don't remind your grown son you changed his diapers.
- If they grow up to be doctors, take the credit.
- If they grow up to be lawyers, don't take the blame.
- If they become pro-athletes, take the house & car.
- If they become politicians they were switched at birth.
- Don't teach the kids your fear of bugs.
- Take them to a petting zoo.
- Don't use a pediatrician who isn't a parent.
- You can never have too many Kleenex.
- Reserve the New Year's Eve babysitter on January .
- You can blame just about anything on teething.
- Some of the great minds of our time were bed wetters.
- Let someone else break the news about Santa Claus.
- Not everyone can win the Pillsbury Bake-Off.
- Iodine really DOES sting.
- Mother's Day comes but once a year--milk it.
- Adjust allowances for cost of living.
- Cookie dough is better than cookies.
- Don't let the kids forget Father's Day.
- Tie their mittens together.
- When they say they've got to go, stop!
- An unmade bed is easier to get into.
- Prove there's no monster under the bed.
- Hugs are the antidotes to nightmares.
- Don't put their favorite blankie in the wash.
- Disney World is not optional.
- A little fast food never killed anyone.
- They already know more about computers than you do.
- Even George Bush didn't eat his broccoli.
- Teach the kids to recycle.
- Someday your son will love another woman.
- When they leave home, you'll actually miss them.
- Whatever your age, you're too young to be a grandma.
- The more they tease you, the more you're loved.
- Always make their favorite dish when they visit.
- Believe it or not, SATs aren't everything.
- Yes, it's important they wear what their friends wear.
- Teenagers are SUPPOSED to dress goofy.
- Yes, we're all tired of dinosaurs.
- Anyone can make a secret special sauce.
- Buy them a globe.
- Socks and underwear are not gifts.
- Ear thermometers beat rectal any day.
- Hide old toys and reintroduce them next week.
- Bribe the babysitter with Hagen-Dazs.
- No matter what, your son will wind up with a toy gun.
- No matter what, your daughter will want Barbie.
- No matter what, you will memorize GOOD NIGHT MOON.
- Puberty was hell for you too.
- They'll always bring home their laundry.
- Courage.
- Grace doesn't count unless it's under pressure.
- Many geniuses were late bloomers.
- When you retire, feel free to spend their inheritance.
- Hold their hands during vaccinations.
- Look encouraging at the dentist.
- Don't give your son a crew cut.
- "Bambi" is too scary for five-year olds.
- Froot Loops are NOT a balanced meal.
- Yes, they need all sixty-four Crayolas.
- No, they can't have a pony.
- Chicken soup couldn't hurt.
- Keep the cookie jar full.
- Tuck them in.
- Add sound effects to the bedtime story.
- No, they REALLY can't have a pony.
- Gingerbread houses aren't worth the work.
- Tollhouse cookies ARE worth the work.
- Put plenty of icing on birthday cakes.
- Don't tell you helped blow out the candles.
- Kids give more gifts than they'll receive.
- Kids WILL drink straight from the carton.
- Look sad when the snowman melts.
- Kids prefer hot dogs to duck a l'orange.
- A sense of humor is a necessity.
- They don't call it women's intuition for nothing.
- Insist on short-haired dogs.
- Coax the cat out of the tree.
- For the last time, a pony is out!
- Sew name tags in their underwear.
- Be a den mother.
- Let your daughter have a training bra.
- Buy your share of EXPENSIVE Girl Scout cookies
- Cultivate the art of napping.
- Washable markers aren't.
- Help build a sandcastle.
- Let them make a fort out of boxes.
- Piano lessons aren't for everyone.
- Tell Dad to share the toy trains.
- Tell your daughter she CAN be a fire fighter.
- Host a slumber party.
- Don't hover.
- Childhood doesn't go as fast as they say.
- Don't make your twelve-year-old shop for underwear.
- Take snapshots on the first day of school.
- Help carve a pumpkin.
- Sail paper airplanes.
- Teach them to whistle.
- Volunteer for class trips.
- Join the PTA.
- Don't panic.
- Hunt for four-leaf clovers.
- Befriend other mothers.
- Don't let kids record answering machine messages.
- Scotchguard everything.
- There's a little Martha Stewart in all of us.
- Never use the check-out with the candy display.
- All car trip diversions last three minutes.
- Snowsuits induce the desire to go to the bathroom.
- Let them eat Oreos inside-out.
- Be ready when kids ask "What were the Beatles?".
- You did SO do that at their ages.
- The more solemn the moment, the louder they cry.
- Kids get dirty quicker on more important occasions.
- Don't take kids grocery shopping on empty stomachs.
- Forget your moral objections to pacifiers.
- Forbidden junk food will be eaten at neighbor's house.
- Prohibited TV shows will be watched at neighbor's home.
- Tell know-it-alls: Mind your own business.
- Put a lock on your bedroom door.
- Trust your instincts.
- Occasionally you WILL use the TV as a babysitter.
- If they won't clean their plates, use smaller plates.
- Pack school lunches with good trading items.
- There's a lot of wisdom in MAD magazine.
- Don't flush the fish.
- Let them eat cake.
- Let them eat animal crackers.
- Keep smiling.
- There's no escaping car pools.
- Yes, they'll need braces.
- Yes, they'll need stitches.
- Guilt is an art form.
- Curfews are made to be broken.
- Dry their tears.
- Play Name the State Capitals.
- Teach them to read maps.
- Do a jigsaw puzzle together.
- Ask only that they try their best.
- Your son's wife will not be pretty enough.
- Your daughter's husband will not earn enough.
- When they have kids, they'll REALLY appreciate you.
- Grandchildren are for spoiling.
- Transfer old home movies to video.
- Make lemonade from real lemons.
- It's your duty to brag.
- Point out that your granddaughter has your eyes.
- Be sure to mention that your grandson has your smile.
- Let your daughter think she's a better mother than you.
- When daughter's in labor don't say "Now you know.".
- Teenage daughters are hazardous to your health.
- Teenage sons are hazardous to their own health.
- How long CAN you put off the birds & bees lecture?
- How many times can you rewrite your will?
- Never buy retail.
- Cheer when they get their driver's licenses.
- Smile when they squash your Chevy.
- Send a care package to college.
- Resist the impulse to clean their dorm rooms.
- If they become Ivy Leaguers it's because of YOUR genes.
- If they're going to State, it's because of Dad's genes.
- Teach them to swim early.
- Insist on bike helmets.
- Learn CPR.
- Take them to the circus.
- Send an apple for the teacher.
- No blue hair.
- Remind them when it's your silver anniversary.
- Forbid them to put you in a nursing home.
- Threaten to haunt them from beyond the grave.
- Ask them for advice once in a while.
- Look humble when they say "How'd you do it, Mom?"
- Pass along your wedding dress to your daughter.
- Give Snickers at Halloween.
- Remember the names of their stuffed animals.
- Watch all the Peanuts TV specials.
- Buy industrial-size detergent boxes.
- Learn to say "Watch out!" with feeling.
- Buy them cool lunch boxes.
- Remain calm when you find your son's "Playboy".
- Remain calm when you find daughter's birth control.
- Your daughter's house will never be as clean as yours.
- Dance a tango at your child's wedding.
- Reminisce.
- Make their Halloween costumes.
- Play Scrabble with them.
- Play cards with them.
- Good news and bad: Anything can be a toy.
- Good news and bad: Before you know it, they're walking.
- Good news and bad: Before you know it, they're talking.
- Good news & bad: Before you know it they're in college.
- Keep a first-aid kit handy.
- You and Dad need a "Date Night".
- Let them make their own sundaes.
- Don't show their dates naked baby pictures.
- Traditions are important.
- Don't forget, each new kid is a tax deduction.
- Teach them to love libraries.
- Help start a stamp collection.
- Give pennies for piggy banks.
- Learn to love Trolls.
- Pray for a chicken pox vaccine.
- Don't insist on combing your daughter's hair in public.
- Try to get some breakfast in them.
- Ice cream still solves most problems.
- You can't praise a kid too much.
- Buy them a good dictionary.
- Let them have an aquarium.
- Shiny thing in driveway is your kid's new retainer.
- Always look before sitting.
- Have a snowball fight.
- Hold hands while crossing.
- Let them visit where you work.
- No matter what, they'll bring home colds from school.
- Remember what happened to Joan Crawford.
- Don't weep when the school bus takes them away.
- Attend school plays.
- Don't yell at Little League umpires.
- Junior High is traumatic.
- Everyone tries to get out of gym class.
- Before disciplining -- decompress.
- They'll outgrow their shoes before the laces get dirty.
- Let them play dress up.
- Learn to throw a baseball.
- Learn to catch a boomerang.
- If they created it at camp, put it on display.
- Food fights happen.
- Get washable wallpaper.
- Don't let them call you by your first name.
- They DO look cutest when they're sleeping.
- Tell ghost stories.
- Kids love antiheroes.
- Remember how your mother felt about Mick Jagger.
- Celebrate Velcro!
- Record their singing.
- She's all grown up when she stretches your sweater.
- You know your son's grown up when he blushes.
- Hang a tire swing.
- They'll eat paper and dirt and survive.
- If all else fails, take them to the video arcade.
- Let them get their ears pierced.
- Monster truck rallies can be educational.
- Let them play cowboy.
- Discourage them from tying up the babysitter.
- Don't hold up other people's children as role models.
- When they fall asleep in the stroller, don't move them.
- Show them photos of yourself as a child.
- Let's hear it for stereo headphones.
- Cartoons are a good way to learn classical music.
- Don't kiss teens in front of their friends.
- No credit cards until they graduate.
- Check before believing Dad said it was okay.
- Murphy's Law is true.
- Feel free to remind them of your labor pains.
- Sometimes you'll have to tell little white lies.
- Remember that you used Cliff Notes too.
- At least comic books mean they're reading.
- Disposable diapers are worth the guilt.
- Don't buy infant clothes without snaps.
- Clothes that fit just right are too small.
- Everybody's a critic.
- Get call waiting.
- If you have teenagers, get your own phone.
- You know more about chaos theory than most physicists.
- Grass stains are Mother Nature's way of saying "Hi".
- Nervous breakdowns-Nature saying "Take it easy.".
- Arrange to sleep in at least once a month.
- Know when enough is enough.
- Don't mention their zits.
- When technology is ready, clone yourself.
- Let your daughter wear your high heels.
- Admire your son's mustache even if you can't see it.
- Discourage grown kid's from writing a tell-all book.
- You'll never stop wondering if you did a good job.
[ Author Unknown -- from Aiken Drum ]
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