It Is Then You Hear The Hush

"I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." - Hebrews 13:5

What happens after the funeral is over and the guests have all gone to their individual homes, leaving the grieving one to carry on with his or her life? Of course, this has to happen. People have to get back to their lives. It isn’t expected of anyone to stop living because a friend has died. As the saying goes, "Life must go on."

We have all lost loved ones. It is a painful, but inevitable part of life. I remember years ago when my husband and I lost a dear one. He was like a son -- our only child. He had lived with us since he was ten. He drowned at the age of twenty. Too young to die! I remember how we felt. We were angry. We looked out at the world. It was still "going around!" Cars were still driving. People were still laughing. Stores were still selling things. The grass was still green. The sky was still blue. The flowers hadn’t stopped blooming. The birds were singing their hearts out.... My husband and I felt like yelling: " Why is there action everywhere? Why don’t people see that we have lost someone very precious? Doesn’t anybody care?" To us, it seemed that everyone was calloused. Of course, that was not the case. They just were not involved in our grief.

I have a friend who lost her husband several years ago. No one thought anything about it when her grieving went on for a year. That was acceptable--to be expected. But after two, three, four years, when she was still grieving, people became impatient. "She should be over it by now," I heard someone say. Well, perhaps these same folks who criticized her have never lost a spouse. I haven’t, thankfully, but I do try to put myself in my friend’s shoes. How would I feel? Devastated! I know! I would never get over it. And I don’t expect her to. Who said there was a time limit on grieving?

As Christians we should be supportive of those who have lost loved ones.

I wrote this poem for a friend of mine who had just lost her husband. It was a comfort to her and to others who have lost spouses.

~ IT IS THEN YOU HEAR THE HUSH ~

It is when the funeral’s over and the family has gone home,
That you suddenly discover just how much you are alone.
When that fateful day has ended, and it’s time to go to bed,
Total emptiness then grips you, and you heart feels just like lead.

With your misted eyes you notice all the flowers in the house.
You recall the many greetings: "We’re so sad you lost your spouse."
But the sentiments are empty. No one knows just how you feel.
For the devastation in you, you don’t think will ever heal.

It is then you look around you, and you see your loved-one’s things.
Oh what pain wells up within you! How your soul with anguish wrings!
When your eyes fall on his sweater hanging limp behind the door,
It is then the cruel truth hits you: He won’t need it anymore.

When you look out through your window, you see the same old things:
The world’s not at a stand still! New sorrow this fact brings.
Why does life keep on like always? Why’s there action everywhere?
It is then you feel like screaming: "Doesn’t anybody care?"

When you think of all the pleasures you and he had often shared,
You are filled with sudden anger--for his death you weren’t prepared.
All those dreams of pleasant leisure as you reach your senior years:
All those plans of fun together, just bring on a flood of tears.

When your head’s upon your pillow, and you try your best to rest,
It is then you hear him whisper: "Our Lord knows what is best.
Don’t give up, my darling partner. I will always be around.
Carry on as though I’m with you. There’s a new life to be found."

It is then, when all is darkness, and life’s at its very worst,
You can feel his words of comfort, like a rain cloud that has burst,
Start to heal your heart that’s broken. As with tears your soul’s awash,
There’s a stillness creeping through you. It is then you hear THE HUSH.

I hope this little talk will help us as Christians to support our brothers and
sisters who are grieving over the loss of a loved one, no matter how long
it takes for them to get over it. Remember, there is no time limit on grief.

- Helen Dowd -


EDITOR:  If in doubt about about the well being of anyone,
don't hesitate to seek professional guidance for the person.

[ by Helen Dowd Copyright © 2004, (helendowd@shaw.ca) -- submitted by: Helen Dowd ]