Cooking

Are you a cook? Neither am I.
When dinner comes I only sigh,
Wake up the phone and grab the book,
And let somebody else be my cook.
A pizza is a trusty meal,
A color frantic tasty wheel.
It disappears in your friends,
And lets the party never end.

But cooking is a tempting craft,
And gazing down the oven's shaft,
I start to wonder if I can,
cook a dinner in a pan.

The cooking magic I will work!
No more will I be a takeout jerk!
I'll prove to the world what I can be!
I'll make a meal just for you and me.

Into the kitchen with brave strides,
I walk like a wolf with focused eyes.
And thinking back to high school days,
I recollect my mother's cooking ways.

Spaghetti? Oh, that sounds good!
I grab the package where I stood.
Meatballs I shall add to the deal.
They'll make an even better meal.

My mother always said to add
the veggies, but they make me mad.
To top it off I'll put oil in the pan,
I've heard olive oil will make it grand.

I say a prayer, turn the knob,
And a blue flame begins to throb.
It's magic, that's why it's so blue,
It'll make my tasty dinner stew.

It starts to boil soon enough,
And the bubbles make the oil rough.
Then lo-'n-behold it starts to burn
Just when it knows my back is turned.

I quickly knew something was wrong
When my stew's smell became too strong.
But not to fear, ladies and gents,
God blessed me with intelligence.

All fires are quenched by water thrown,
That's one sure thing I've always known.
So thinking quickly I pour some in,
Then I see a frightening thing begin.

A fiery face came to my eyes,
It must be Satan in disguise!
It grabbed the stove in a flaming grasp!
I screamed, and gave a frightened gasp.

What happened next I can't describe,
But death threatened by my side.
Let loose a wild lion in my den,
But never, ever, will I cook again!!!

[ Author Unknown -- from 'The Funny Bone' -- Ed:anon. ]