Mirror, mirror on the wall

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?

Where do you get the glaring right
To make my clothes look just too tight?

I think I'm fine but I can see
you won't cooperate with me;

The way you let the shadows play
You'd think my hair was getting gray

What's that, you say? A double chin?
No, that's the way the light comes in;

If you persist in peering so
You'll confiscate my facial glow,

And then if you're not hanging straight
You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight;

I'm really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;

I hate you being smug and wise
O, look what's happened to my thighs!

I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we're not on speaking terms at all,

If I look like this in my new jeans
You'll find yourself in smithereens!!

[ Author Unknown -- from JoAnne Ault ]