Becoming "Dad"

How difficult it is to become a Dad. Oh, you might think it's not. It is in fact a natural thing, a moment when two make one. But I am speaking about the act of filling the shoes, playing the part, becoming a "Dad."

They had arrived at the beach just minutes after Marianne and I had just settled down. I was under the umbrella, she was already greased up and ready to face the sun. Off to our right this young couple arrived loaded with all the equipment necessary to feed and protect their newborn. I learned later that the child was just 6 months old.

Mom carried the child Dad carried everything else. Both had an important role to play, for this was their first time ever at the beach as "family."

It is a new beginning, a ritual of sorts, for they are creating memories for a lifetime.

Dad is claiming his place today like all the father's before him. In the next few minutes he will either successful accomplish his assigned task of setting up this family beach site or fail miserably under pressure. It sets the pace for all future attempts at becoming the man both his wife and child hope for.

But his wife isn't going to make it easy.

"You brought that?" she asks. "Why in God's name did you bring that stupid cabana thing. You should have brought the umbrella."

"This will be better for her. It will keep the wind from her and protect her from the sun," he said. I could almost hear him grunting, you know like a proud manly man.

"It will not! The wind is blowing so hard, it will pick her up and take her away," she replies.

He whimpers, slightly wounded.

"Well, I'll take her down by the water. You set that thing up. You brought it," she says. He growls beneath his breath.

I sat watching him, wanting desperately to run over and help him. I wanted to save this young guy from defeat. But this is what life is made of, this moment in time and moments gathered and collected for years to come. So I sat watching him. He fought valiantly, looking up periodically to she where they were. I know he wanted to have it ready before her, "I told you so, victory return"

He was meeting his challenge. I looked down at the beach and saw them approaching. "Come on buddy! You can do it!" I cheered in my heart.

He did it! Mother and child stared in awe and amazement. He awaited his accolades.

"You didn't put her blanket in there. That surface will be too hot!" she said. "Now there's your first lesson about men, honey. You have to help them every step of the way"

In my heart I was booing her. I growled. She turned and stared at me sensing my attempt at unifying in spirit with him. My upper lip curled defiantly, but I retreated.

In my mind he was successful. In her soul she knew she had married the right guy. But it is not in her nature to acknowledge that so early on.

Then it all came rushing back to me. I watched as he walked down to the shore line. He turned to look at them several times. He stood there now a father, in earlier times perhaps they walked this beach hand in hand as lovers. Now, as a new family, those precious moments have given way to reality. They have responsibilities for each other and for their child. He walks along looking lonely and lost. She lays nearby the baby torn between what once was and what is now. They take turns as she now heads down to the waters edge alone and longing for what was and what is.

Having been there myself, my mind fast forwards seeing them both in future times.

The scene as I see it:

They have returned to this beautiful resort by the sea every year now. It has become a part of the family tradition. Dad now has made his mark and successfully played the role of father for about two decades. This time his daughter is walking on the beach by his side, holding his hand.

"Daddy, We've been coming here now since I was a baby. You have given me a lifetime of memories here," she says.

"I can remember the first time we brought you here," he tells her.

"Daddy, when I was away at school I missed being with you a few summers. I want you to know it wasn't easy," she says.

"It just wasn't the same without you honey," he says with tears in his eyes. "But I know it is a part of life. You are growing up. One day you'll meet a man who will take you from us for good. He will have to be a special man," Dad says.

"Daddy, he is," she says as she stops and holds both his hands.

"What?" replies Dad.

"Daddy, that's why I wanted to be here this year for this vacation. You have given me so many wonderful memories. I wanted to give you one," she says.

Then bowing her head for a moment and then glancing up to look him directly in his eyes she says, "Daddy, John has asked me to marry him. I said yes."

He pauses for a moment. Then embracing her, they spin around as they hug a hug of joy.

Back to today, this moment in time...

Who knows. Perhaps years from now this wet-behind-the-ears father I see before me will one walk this same beach with his grandchild.

He's struggling with what he needs to do next and I have already seen his future. How? I walked this beach before with my children. For now I am in limbo between Dad and Grandpa.

In the meantime Marianne and I cherish these few days together alone, waiting desperately to play the part and walk hand in hand with my grandchild.

Perhaps I will be here the day he is walking with his daughter. Should I warn him it all comes too soon?

No, that's a part of "Becoming Dad," too.

Excuse me. The cabana he put together just blew away. He forgot to fasten it down.

Growl !!!!!

~ Bob Perks ~
2believe@comcast.net

[ by: Bob Perks Copyright © 2007 (2believe@comcast.net) -- {used with permission} ]