The Middle Wife
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best
birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in
pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,
ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and
talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn
and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She
holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell
you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and
wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about
two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind
her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad
called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like
the Domino's man."
"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against
the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and
it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs
spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.' They started
counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He
was covered in yucky stuff, they said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must
be lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I
applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder,
just in case another Erica comes along.
[ By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher -- submitted by: Eva Young -- orginal source unknown ]
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